I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
