Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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