I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
