Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
