just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
