thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
