Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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