...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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