so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
