do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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