i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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