You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
