People in love make me want to vomit
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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