I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
