Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
