Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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