I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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