I just pynch a tree in the face
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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