Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
