census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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