What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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