I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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