God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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