Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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