do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
