It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
