I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
