Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
