My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
