I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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