I'd wear matching sweaters with you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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