You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
