you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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