Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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