doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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