well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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