The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
