You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
