he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
