i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can I color on your dick again?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
