I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
