I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
