Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
