I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
