well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
