I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
