you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
