I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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