I hate all girls vehemently.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
