Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
