I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
