just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
