dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need moral support for this bender
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
