I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hippo gnu deer
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
