i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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