he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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