my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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