I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
