he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
