I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
