So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
