Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
