my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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