So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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