Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
