fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
