you will always have a special place in my vag
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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