So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
