i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
